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Southern Dating
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car …
… with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.
The young man lowers his window . “Uh, yes, officer?” The cop says: “What are you doing?”
The young man says: “Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.” Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: “And her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugs: “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane….and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: “What’s your age, young man?” The young man says, “I’m 22, sir.” The cop asks, “And her … what’s her age?”
The young man looks at his watch and replies: “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 – 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 – 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 – 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 – 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 – 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Afghanistan. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 – 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically un-patrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 – 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Albania . Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man:
Between the ages of 15 – 70 a man is like Iraq……ruled by a dick.
Two Guys In Lowe’s
Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their
carts around Lowe’s Building Supply when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, ‘Sorry about that.
I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going’.
The young guy says, ‘That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.’
The old guy says, ‘Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?’
The young guy says, ‘She’s 24, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra..What does your wife look like?’
The old timer says. .. ‘Doesn’t matter —let’s look for yours.’
Most of us old timers are helpful like that.
The Rabbi’s Salary
There was a young rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the rabbi’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the rabbi’s salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much his additional children were costing the synagogue.
Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd, “Children are a gift from God,” he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said,”Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”
And the congregation said, “Amen”
To Be 6 Again
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.
I’d like to be six again
she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked
Well Dear, what was it like being six again??
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
The Potty
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.
HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT’S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET
SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF
ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: “BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.”
BILLY SAYS: “I’M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN’T
GONE ‘POOPY’ YET.”
MOTHER SAYS: “OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW
MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU
HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?”
BILLY SAYS: “WORKS FOR KETCHUP.”
Paddy
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally Cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork’s hospital. The doctor looked at Paddy and said, ‘Lets be avin’ da fingers and Oi’ll
See what oi can do’.
Paddy said, ‘Oi haven’t got da fingers.’
‘Whadda ya mean you haven’t got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin’ Jesus, it’s 2009! We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn’t ya bring da fingers?!?’
And Paddy said, ‘ How da fock was I ’sposed to pick them up !!!
Dog Training Tip
Stay
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
local shopping center and rolled
Down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
And I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there.
I walked to the curb backward,
Pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
‘Now you stay. Do you hear me?’
‘Stay! Stay!’
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
Gave me a strange look and said,
“Why don’t you just put it in Park?”
Daily Chuckle in Bed
I figured you should have breakfast in bed on you special day
Can You Reach The Stove Okay?
If You Are Worried About Alzheimer’s
Sit comfortably and be calm. Put your thinking process aside. Put your brain in neutral gear.
1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
6999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N below. It’s a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I was assured this is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you’re far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
I’m only sending this to my ‘old’ friends.
I love to see you smile.
Email About Mail Server Report
VERY IMPORTANT , PLEASE READ THIS
Anyone-using Internet mail such as Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL and so on. This information arrived this morning, Direct from both Microsoft and Norton Please share this with everybody you know who has Access to the Internet. You may receive an apparently harmless e-mail titled ‘Mail Server Report’
If you open either file, a message will appear on your screen saying: ’It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful…’
Subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC, And the person who sent it to you will gain access to your Name, e-mail and password. This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon. AOL has already confirmed the severity, and the anti virus software’s are not capable of destroying it..
The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself ‘life owner’.
We Pick-up Speed Once We Get Over The Hill
Remember, once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
If it weren’t for STRESS, I’d have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don’t have any film.
I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.
Never be too open minded, your brains could fall out.
Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Jury Duty Scam
It is spreading fast so be prepared should you get this call. Most of us take those summonses for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of fraud has surfaced.
The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the Scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Give out any of this information and bingo; your identity was just stolen.
The fraud has been reported so far in 11 states, including Oklahoma , Illinois , and Colorado . This (swindle) is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully people into giving information by pretending they are with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud.
Check it out here: http://www.fbi.gov/page2/june06/jury_scams060206.htm <http://www.fbi.gov/page2/june06/jury_scams060206.htm>
And here at snopes: http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp <http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp>
It’s true! Please make sure and pass this on!
Good Health Advice
How To Avoid The Bird, Swine, and Plain ‘Ole
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day..
Go for a swim..
Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often.
If you can’t wash them,
Keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
OR
Take the doctor’s approach..
Think about it…
When you go for a shot, what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol… Why??
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS..
So…….
I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Margarita ..(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary.. (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio.. (fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh.. (eliminate stress)
Then take a nap.. (rest)
The way I see it…
If you keep your alcohol levels up
Flu germs
Can’t get you!
My grandmother always said…
‘A shot in the glass
Is better than one in the ass!’
Live Well – Laugh Often – Love Much
3 Old Ladies – A Detective Story
3 Old Ladies – A Detective Story
So Pay Close Attention!!!
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of 
into the ball park.
The game is real exciting 
and they are enjoying themselves immensely..
mixing the Jack Daniel’s with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some More!
Answer:
It’s the bottom of the fifth and…
The bags are loaded!
Golf Lesson From Above
Golf Lesson From Above
Catholic or not you’ll laugh at this one:
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.
He missed the ball entirely and said “Shit, I missed.”
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. “Shit, I missed.”
“Father, I’m not going to play with you if you keep swearing,” the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, “Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.”
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.
“Shit, I missed.”
A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes
out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice .
“Shit, I missed.”
Scottish Colonoscopy Video
New and hysterically funny – if you have had a colonoscopy!
Click here/copy link:
http://mcg-pe.com/Documents/Scottish%20Colonoscopy.wmv
The Frog and The Golfer
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.”
The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, “Ribbit Lucky frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
“What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit 3 wood.”
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3000, black 6.”
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve won me all this money and
I am forever grateful.”
The frog replies, “Ribbit KissMe.” He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God…
…or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.”
Your Age By Chocolate Math
Chocolate Math
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (2 to 9).
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold).
3. Add 5.
4. Multiply it by 50 (I’ll wait while you get the calculator).
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759. If you haven’t, add 1758.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number.
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are YOUR AGE!
Prayer For Our President
I take no credit or claim to this image it was found on: http://www.blackbusinessspace.com/group/weprayfortheobamafamily
What’s Really For Dinner
One day I had a date with friends for lunch. Mae, a little old “blue hair” about 80 years old, came along with them—all in all, a pleasant bunch.
When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, “Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate.”
I wasn’t sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. “Along with heated apple pie,” Mae added, completely unabashed.
We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time. But when our orders were brought out, I didn’t enjoy mine.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down. The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and frowned.
The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae. I lunched on white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait.
I smiled. She asked if she amused me.
I answered, “Yes, you do, but also you confuse me.
How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible? She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, “I’m tasting all that is Possible.
I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life’s so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good.
This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven’t been this old before.”
“So, before I die, I’ve got to try those things that for years I had ignored.
I haven’t smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many books I haven’t read. There’s more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead.
There are many malls I haven’t shopped. I’ve not laughed at all the jokes. I’ve missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes.
I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace.
I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.
I haven’t cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind in my hair. I want to fall in love again.
So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I’d say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart’s desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired.”
With that, I called the waitress over.. “I’ve changed my mind, ” I said. “I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!”
This is my gift to you – We need an annual Friends Day!
Live well, love much & laugh often ~ Be happy.
Share this with your friends.
Be mindful that happiness isn’t based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relation-ships with people we love and respect.
Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE SINGS!
What Religion Is Your Bra?
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of Myer’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife. ‘
‘ What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.
‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’
‘ Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.
‘Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.’
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
‘There are the Catholic,
the Salvation Army,
the Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?’
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, ‘It is all really quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts t he fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.’
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs..
{B} Barely there…
{C} Can’t Complain!..
{D} Dang!…
{DD} Double dang!…
{E} Enormous!…
{F} Fake…
{G} Get a Reduction…
{H} Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!…
Share this with all that will appreciate it!
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen
Wooden Leg Insurance
Wooden Leg Insurance
A man and his wife, moved back home to Missouri from Texas .
The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Texas, it cost them $2000 per year!
When they arrived in Missouri, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: ‘$39.’
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Missouri to Insure it because it cost him $2000 in Texas!
The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said,
‘Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a Sprinkler system above it, is $39.
You just have to know how to describe It!’
Guaranteed To Make You Smile
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste)
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red………………..Cherry
Yellow……………..Lemon
Green……………….Lime
Orange……………Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room!
Only Maxine
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
Burnt Biscuits
Burnt Biscuits
When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned biscuits.”
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!”
You know, life is full of imperfect things…..and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults – and choosing to celebrate each others differences – is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – keep it in your own.”
B.A.D.
B.A.D.
While shopping, a woman spotted a man with an acronym on his shirt that had B..A.D.
Being the person that she was (curious), she stopped the man and asked,
“What does B.A.D. Stand for?” And trust me; you’ll be amazed at what his response was.
He replied B.A.D. Stands for: “Blessed And Delivered”.
That thought stuck with her as she finished doing her shopping that day.
So she came up with a little advice for you today.
- When the enemy tries to attack you, be B.A.D.
- When things don’t seem to be going right on your job, be B.A.D.
- When things are not looking good in your marriage, be B.A.D.
- When folks scandalize your name, just be B.A.D.
Get with somebody who you know that you can be B.A.D. With!!!
May God Bless You And Have a B.A.D. Day!
Any person that can kneel before God can stand before anything.
Now share this with the people who you know won’t mind being B.A.D.
Thank God – Take Time To Pray
Thank You God
Take time to pray
It only takes a minute out of your busy day!
I started not to do this, but as I read it….
I understood God to say, ‘You need a miracle tomorrow…. So here
goes… Prov. 29:25…
You never know when God is going to bless you!!
Good things happen when you least expect them to !!!
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.
I’m blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm.
Help me to start this Day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
And give the best response when I’m pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can’t pray, You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others Keep me strong
that I may help the weak…
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can’t find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don’t know You intimately.
I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others.
I pray for those that don’t believe.
But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and all my brothers.
I pray for each and every family member in their households…
I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes.
I pray that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.
God Bless You!!!
Repeat this comforting phrase and see how God moves you!
God, I love you and I need you.
Come into my heart, please.
Amen.
