Archive for May, 2008

Gas Stations Scam

Gas Stations Scam

This is a (supposedly) true story, so read it carefully.  On April 24, 2008, I stopped at a Kangaroo gas station in Cartersville, GA.  My truck’s gas gauge was on 1/4 of a tank.   I use the mid-grade, which was priced at $3.71 per gallon.  When my tank is at this point, it takes somewhere around 14 gallon’s to fill it up.  When the pump showed 14 gallons had been pumped I began to slow it down, then to my surprise it went to 15, then 16.  I even looked under my truck to see if it was being spilled.  It was not.  Then it showed 17 gallons had been pumped.  It stopped at almost 18 gallons.  This was very strange to me, since my truck has only an 18 gallon tank.  I went on my way a little confused, then on the evening news I heard a report that 1 out of 4 gas stations had calibrated their pumps to show more gas had been pumped than a person actually got.

Here is how to check a pump to see if you are getting the right amount.  Whichever grade you are using, put exactly 10 gallons in your tank, then look at the dollar amount, if the dollar amount is not exactly 10 times the price of the fuel you have chosen, then the pumps are rigged.  If you find a station that is cheating, contact the Agriculture Department or proper authorities.

We need to put a stop to this outrageous cheating of customers.  The gas companies are making enough profits at honest rates.

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Bee Sting Remedy

Bee Stings
(sent by a friend who has a daughter who is a doctor of medicine)

It might be wise to carry a penny in your pocket while working in the yard

A couple of weeks ago, I was stung by both a bee and a hornet while working in the garden.  My arm swelled up, so I went to the doctor.  The clinic gave me a cream and an antihistamine.  The next day the swelling was getting progressively worse, so I went to my regular doctor.  The arm was infected and need an antibiotic.  The doctor told me “Next time you get stung, put a penny on the bite for 15 minutes”.

That night, my niece was stung by two bees.  I looked at the bite and it had already started to swell.  So, I taped a penny to her arm for 15 minutes.  The next morning there was no sign of a bite.  We decided that she just wasn’t allergic to the sting.

Later, I was gardening and got stung again.  Twice by a hornet on my let hand.  I though, here I go again to the doctor for another antibiotic.  But I promptly go my money out and taped two pennies to my bites, then sat and sulked for 15 minutes.  The penny took the sting out of the bite immediately.

In the meantime, the hornets were attacking and my friend was stung on the thumb.  Again, the penny.

The next morning I could only see the spot where the hornet had stung me.  No redness, so swelling.  My friend’s sting was the same; couldn’t even tell where she had been stung.  She got stung again a few days later on her back while cutting grass.   And the penny worked once again.

Wanted to share this marvelous information in case you experience the same problem.  We need to keep a stock of pennies on hand.

The doctor said that the copper in the penny counteracts the bite.  It definitely works!

What Jeff Foxworthy has to say about people in South Carolina

What Jeff Foxworthy has to say about people in South Carolina:

  • If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you are ‘fixin’ to go anywhere or do anything, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you’ve worn shorts on Christmas day, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you’ve had a telephone conversation with a wrong number, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If ‘vacation’ means going to Myrtle Beach for a week, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you install security alarms on you house and garage. but leave both unlocked, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If the speed limit on the highway is 55, you’re going 70 and everybody is passing you, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you find 60 degrees ‘a little chilly’, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you know the names of any NASCAR drivers beside Dale Jr. or Jeff Gordon, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you think iced tea only comes pre-sweetened, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you know two or more people named ‘Bubba’, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you think that all Yankee college students should move back home upon graduation, you may live in South Carolina.
  • If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with your friends, you definitely live in South Carolina.

Cup of Tea

Cup of Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.  I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little tea-set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of tea, which was just water.  After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because3 it was “just the cutest thing!”

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know…:)
“Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”

A True Friend Is… Tired of sissy poems…

A True Friend Is…

Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.  You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card.  Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

  1. When you are sad — I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!
  2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
  3. When you smile — I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
  4. When you’re scared — we will high tail it out of here.
  5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, you big baby!
  6. When you are confused — I will use little words.
  7. When you are sick — stay away from me until you are well again.  I don’t want whatever you have.
  8. When you fall — I’ll pick you up and dust you off.
  9. This is my oath…I pledge it to the end.  ‘Why?’ you may ask — because you are my Friend!

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Share this with 10 of your closest friends – then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Take Good Care of Your Pets. They Love You Unconditionally.

Take Good Care of Your Pets.  They Love You Unconditionally.

Ten Commandments for a Responsible Pet Owner as dictated by the pet.

  1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years.  Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
  2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
  3. Place your trust in me.  It is crucial for my well-being.
  4. Don’t be angry with me for long and don’t lock me up as punishment.  you have your work, your friends, your entertainments but I have Only YOU.
  5. Talk to me.  Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
  6. Be aware that however you treat me I will never forget it.
  7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand and yet I choose not to bite you.
  8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I’ve been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
  9. Please take care of me when I grow old.  You too will grow old.
  10. On the difficult journey, go with me please.  Never say you can’t bear to watch.  Don’t make me face this alone.  Everything is easier for me if you are there Because I Love You So.

Take a moment today to thank God for your companions.  Enjoy and take good care of them.  Life would be a much duller, less joyful thing without God’s critters.  Please share this with other pet owners.

We do not have to wait for heaven to be surrounded by hope, love, and joyfulness.  It is here on earth and has four feet.

Who’s Your Daddy?

Who’s Your Daddy?

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, “I hope he doesn’t come over here.” But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.

“Where are you folks from?”, he asked in a friendly voice.
“Oklahoma.” they answered.
“Great to have you here in Tennessee,” the stranger said. “What do you do for a living?”
“I teach at a seminary.” the professor replied.
“Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach do you? Well, I’ve go a really great story for you.”
And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple.

The professor groaned and thought to himself, ‘Great….Just what I need…another preacher story!’

That man started, “See that mountain over there? (pointing out the window) Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, ‘Hey boy, Who’s your daddy?’ Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’

He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going into stores because that question hurt him so bad. When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’ But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast that he go caught and had to walk out with the crowd.

Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him ‘Son, who’s your daddy?’

The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’

The new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy…’Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now, You are a child of God.’

With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, ‘Boy, you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.’

With that the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, ‘Who’s your daddy?’ he’d just tell them, “I’m a Child of God.”

The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, “Isn’t that a great story?”
The professor responded that it really was a great story.

As the man turned to leave, he said, “You know, if that new preacher hadn’t told me that I was one of God’s children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!” and he walked away.

The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and asked her, “Do you know who that man was – the one who just left that was sitting at our table?”

The waitress grinned and said, “Of course. Everybody here knows him. That’s Ben Hooper. He’s governor of Tennessee!”

Does someone in your life today needs a reminder that they are one of God’s Children?

“The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God stands forever.” Isaiah

You’re one of God’s Children!!! Have a Blessed and Loving Day!

You have no idea which of your buddies could use a little hope today.  Share.

The Pastor’s Son

The Pastor’s Son

Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at the church, the Pastor and his eleven year old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel Tracts.

This particular Sunday afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside as well as pouring down rain. The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said, “Okay, Dad, I’m ready.”
His Dad asked, “Ready for what?”
“Dad, it’s time we gather our tracts together and go out.”
Dad responds, “Son, it’s very cold outside and it’s pouring down rain.”

The boy gives his dad a surprised look asking, “But Dad, aren’t people still going to Hell, even though it’s raining?”
Dad answers, “Son, I am not going out in this weather.”
Despondently the boy asks, “Dad, can I go? Please?”
His father hesitated for a moment this said, “Son, you can go. Here are the tracts, be careful son.”
“Thanks Dad!”

And with that, he was off and out into the rain. This eleven year old boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a tract. After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his very last tract. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted. Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer.

Finally, this eleven year old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist. He waited, something holding him there on the front porch. He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked, “What can I do for you, son?”

With radiant eyes and a smile the lit up her world, this little boy said, “Ma’am, I’m sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that Jesus really does Love You and I came to give you my very last gospel tract which will tell you all about Jesus and His Great Love.” With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave. She called to him as he departed. “Thank you, son! And, God Bless You!”

Well, the following Sunday morning in church Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, “Does anybody have testimony or want to say anything?”

Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, “No one in this church knows me. I’ve never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live. So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck. Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me. I thought, ‘I’ll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away.’ I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, ‘Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me.’ I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder. When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life. His Smile, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart that had long been dead, To Leap to Life as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice, “Ma’am I just cam to tell you that Jesus Really Does Love You.” Then he gave me this gospel tract that I now hold in my hand. As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this gospel tract. Then I went up to my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn’t be needing them anymore. You see — I am now a Happy Child of the King. Since the address of your church was on the back of the gospel tract, I have come here to personally say Thank You to God’s little angel who came just in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from an eternity in hell.”

There was not a dry eye in the church. And as shouts of praise and honor to the King resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated. He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

Probably no church has had a more glorious moment, and probably this universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love and honor for his so. Except for One. This Father also allowed His Son to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of heaven shouted praises and hone to The King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all principality and power and every name that is named.

Blessed are your eyes for reading this message. Don’t let this die here, read it again and share it with others. God Can Make the Difference in the life of someone close to you. Do not be too shy to share that wonderful message.

In God We Trust.

This is the day the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it.