Archive for September, 2010

Undies

How little boys learn about little girls

Leave it to a little kid to put a– smile on your face!!!  This is truly first grade logic.  I love it!

Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mom that the boys
keep asking her to do cartwheels because she’s very good at doing them.

Mom said, “YOU should say ‘NO’… they only want to look at your undies”.

Susie said, “I know they do… that’s why I hide them in my backpack!”.

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The Ugly Frog

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company.  So, off to the pet shop she went.  She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog.  As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered, I’M SO LONELY, TOO.  BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME.  YOU WON’T EVER BE SORRY.

The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn’t found anything else.  So, she bought the frog.  She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.  As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her KISS ME AND YOU WON’T BE SORRY!

So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY’S KISS.

SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.   NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS!

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SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!

She’s old…… NOT DEAD!!!

OLD LADIES ROCK !!!

Password Please

Potato Prostitute

Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. One is a prostitute.

How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

Hold on…

You’re gonna love it…

It’s the one with the little sticker that says…

I – DA – HO

Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.

We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.

But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.

I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard.

Life was a big enough test as it was.’

St. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:

What is God’s first name?’

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.’

Forrest replied, ‘Well, the first one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?

Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter.

‘How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’

Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?’

Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd… ‘

‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter. ‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind…but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God’s first name’?

‘Sure,’ Forrest replied, ‘it’s Andy.’

‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

‘Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’

‘Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’ Forrest replied. ‘I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.’

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:

‘Run, Forrest, Run.’