Archive for December, 2010

Cat Houses for the Homeless

Cat Houses for the Homeless! (Not What You Think)
Watch how you shape your retirement!! This guy has saved a lot of cats.  Check out the little houses he built for them.

Craig Grant bought a tree farm far away from the city and turned it into a sanctuary for all the cats he has rescued. He lives there with the cats and provides lots of love, care and companionship. It’s hard to imagine that once he was not a cat lover and did not want cats until he met his sons cat Pepper. He also got to experience what it is like raising a litter of kittens.

“Over that time I learned that every cat had its own unique personality and it wasn’t long before the kittens were swinging from my curtains. I didn’t care. Something had changed, I didn’t want to give them up”.  The condo life was not easy for the kitties, so Craig found a tree farm and settled down there for his fur babies. Over the next several months, he rescued more and more homeless and abandoned cats. The number of new residents kept going up, so Craig expanded the sanctuary to make more room for the animals.

The farm was named Caboodle Ranch and is now a permanent home for all the homeless, rescued cats. Each of them has a sad story of their past, but now they are living in heaven. Cats should be able to roam free, and at Caboodle Ranch, that’s what they do. Craig has built many beautiful cat houses and decorated the place with vibrant colors and tons of liveliness. All the cats are spayed and neutered.

Don’t forget to visit Caboodle Ranch (non profit rescue center) at their website and check them out on Facebook.

Useful Dog Tricks

Check out this video

Useful
Dog Tricks

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark .

  • Don’t miss the boat.
  • Remember that we are all in the same boat..
  • Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
  • Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
  • Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
  • Build your future on high ground.
  • For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
  • Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
  • When you’re stressed, float a while.
  • Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
  • No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

Pass it along and make someone else smile, too 🙂

Tips for 2011

Ten Great Tips For 2011

1.  Stay out of trouble.

2.  Aim for greater heights.

3.  Stay focused on your job.

4.  Exercise to maintain good health.

5.  Practice team work.

6.  Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back.  Take your time trusting others.

7.  Save for rainy days.

8.  Rest and relax

9.  Always take time to smile.

AND

10..  Realize that nothing is impossible.

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, . .you are supposed to share this with a bunch of your friends.

And remember this:
“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing!!!”

Passing the Purple Hat

Passing the Purple Hat to You

In honour of women’s history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.
Pass this on to five women that you want watched over. If you don’t know five women to pass this on to, one will do just fine.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER – by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage..
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace…
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased & sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, ‘Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.’ There would have been more ‘I love you’s’ more “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. Look at it and really see it .. . live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us..

If you don’t mind, share this with all the women you are grateful to have as friends.
Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier.

A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.
Please Keep The Candle Going!

By sharing this, you will think and realize how you’ve been blessed, up until now.
This is a disease which affects all families… no one is exempt!

Amazing Christmas House

Memphis’ REAL 911 Calls

Believe it or not…
These are Memphis, TN ‘s

REAL 911 Calls!

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller:  No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller :  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller :  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller :  No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller:   I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller:    I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller:    Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller:    My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller:    No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller:  Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath.  Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from

Caller:   I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:   No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller:   Running from the Police

The History of Procreation

God said, ‘Adam,

I want you to do something for me.’

Adam said, ‘Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?’

God said, ‘Go down into that valley.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a Valley?’

God explained it to him. Then God said,  ‘Cross the river.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a River?’

God explained that to him, and then said,  ‘Go over to the hill….’

Adam said, ‘What is a hill?’

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, ‘On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a cave?’

After God explained, He said, ‘In the cave you will find a woman..’

Adam said, ‘What’s a Woman?’

So God explained that to him, too..

Then, God said, ‘I want you to reproduce.’

Adam said, ‘How do I do that?’

God first said (under his breath), ‘Geez…..’

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley,

Across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, ‘What is it now?’

And Adam said….

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(YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!)

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‘What’s a headache?’

He Said To Me…

He Said To Me!

He said to me …. I don’t know  why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it .  I said to him …. You wear pants don’t you?

He said to me ……..  Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That’s a good idea –  you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing  but fart

He said to me… What have you  been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him …… Turn sideways  and look in the mirror!

He said to me..  How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to  him .. .. I don’t know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it  difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I  said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said ….What do you call a  woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A  widow.

He said to me…. Why  are  married women heavier  than  single women?
I said to him .. . . Single  women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s  in bed and go to the fridge.

Share this with a smart woman who needs a laugh and to the guys you think can handle it.

What’s a Calorie

What is a calorie?

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.

MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!

Time To Retire

Now you know…

It’s Time To Retire

Peeping Tom “Giggle”

Peeping Tom

This girl I used to know lives on the 4th floor of an apartment, and even though it is a fairly good neighborhood,
she has been having trouble with a Peeping Tom that lives next door…

Every time she goes out on her balcony to catch a bit of sun while wearing her bikini,
this Peeping Tom looks over from his balcony as soon as she removes her top, and stares at her…

She has complained to the superintendent about this Peeping Tom,
but he says she must have positive proof before he can do a thing –

She FINALLY got a picture of him while he was staring at her…

 

 

SMILE………………  it’s  catching!

 

 

 

And you thought this was a dirty one – “Oh well”!

Halloween Costume Trouble

A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:

 

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

 

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co

Canine Nativity Scene

A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard. During the night some folks came across this scene….

An abandoned dog had been looking for a comfortable, protected place to sleep and he chose the Baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him away, so he slept there the whole night.

We should all have the good sense of this dog and curl up in Jesus’ lap from time to time.

The Mountain Cabin

THE MOUNTAIN CABIN

This is to all of you who
Mean something to me,
I pray for your happiness.


The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship

This candle was lit the 15th of September, 1998.
Someone who loves you has helped
Keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don’t let The Candle of Love, Hope
And Friendship die! Pass It On To All
Of Your Friends and Everyone You Love!
May God richly bless you as you keep this candle burning.

Please keep this candle alive


Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Did You Know?

Friendship None of that Sissy Stuff

Friendship ~ None of that Sissy Stuff

 

Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually

come close to reality?

 

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

 

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

 

 

 

1. When you are sad ~ I will help

you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

 

 

 

2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

 

 

 

3 When you smile ~ I will know

you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

 

 

 

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you’re NOT.

 

 

 

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

 

 

 

6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.

 

 

 

7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

 

 

 

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh

at your clumsy ass, but I’ll help you up.

 

 

 

9. This is my oath…. I pledge it

to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

 

 

 

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

 

 

 

Share this with 10 of your closest friends.

 

Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Beautiful Christian Woman’s Day

When I say that ‘I am a Christian’, I am not shouting that I am clean living.

I’m whispering ‘I was lost, but now I’m found and forgiven.’

When I say ‘I am a Christian’ I don’t speak of this with pride.

I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not trying to be strong.

I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not bragging of success.

I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not claiming to be perfect.

My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say ‘I am a Christian’ I still feel the sting of pain.

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not holier than thou,

I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow!

Today is Beautiful Christian Woman’s Day.

Pretty is as Pretty does but, Beautiful is just plain Beautiful..

I’m supposed to send this to Beautiful Women, and you are one of them!!!

If you share this with other women, you will boost another woman’s self esteem, and she will know you care about her!

Be Blessed, & Be a Blessing.

Women Are Angels

Women are Angels

 

 

 

And when someone breaks our wings….

 

We simply continue to fly….

 

 

On a broomstick….

 

We are flexible like that.

Pushing 40 or better

 

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