The Bella Freeway

by kajuma

A few weeks ago I made a little runway/freeway for Bella to move from sofa to love seat. I did this because when she was down on the floor she would run and lose her breath and have an attack of complete loss of air.

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Bella’s Freeway

Now I am sorry to say that her little runway will have to be taken down. She can’t even move from sofa to love seat without having an attack. As a matter of fact – she has had an attack while sitting still on the sofa.

I’m praying that she can make it until we have raised enough money for the surgery. We go for the surgical consultation at the end of the month (that alone is nearly $200). I’ve been told and have read that it is an expensive surgery. This is why I’m reaching out to everyone in every possible way to ask for donations. She is not only my fur baby – she is my Service Dog!

Please help me to help Bella get the surgery to help her breath normally! I know that every person out there can spare at the very least between $1 – $5 to help a precious animal breath.

Please Donate Today: facebook.com/donate/181628289871900/?fundraiser_source=external_url …

Please share in every social media platform you are on!

Can you spare $1 to help her breath?

by kajuma

Bella Bleu needs your help now! She has been having attacks where she’s completely breathless and limp. I have to keep her on the couches so that so doesn’t walk fast or run and lose her breath. The initial consultation is $180 and the surgery could be anywhere between $4000-$6000 to put a stent in her trachea so that she can get the air she needs.

Just think…if each person that was invited to this fundraiser or that simply looked at this fundraiser just gave $1 — one dollar. Bella could be so much closer to reaching the money needed for surgery so that she can move without gasping for air. Can’t you spare one dollar? Really? Just think. 💜

donate here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/fqaph8-help-bella

Bella needs surgery ASAP

by kajuma

My service dog Bella is having attacks where she passes out and stops breathing. The vet said that she has a collapsed trachea and needs to have surgery to have a stent put in to open her airway. She is so sad and doesn’t understand why she isn’t being allowed to run through the house and play. I am disabled and don’t have the funds needed to have this done.

Will you please donate and share this link so that Bella can move around again and not have to be carried everywhere. So that she can live a full life again.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fqaph8-help-bella

Your can also donate here: Fundraiser by Sali Porterfield : HELP BELLA

Diapers

by kajuma
DIAPERS

 

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering
why  baby diapers have brand names such as
“Luvs”,  “Huggies,” and “Pampers’, while
undergarments for old people are called “Depends”.
 
Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna
Luv ’em, Hug ’em and Pamper ’em.
 
When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends”
on who’s in the will!
Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your
mind.

PHENOMENAL 2 LETTER WORD

by kajuma

I’m sure  you will enjoy this. I  never knew one word in the English language that  could be a noun, verb, adj, adv,  prep.
UP
 
Read until the end…you’ll laugh.
 

This two-letter word in English has  more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is’UP.’  It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj],  [n]  or [v].
 
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top  of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,  why do we wake UP?
 
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?   Why  do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is  a toss UP)  and why is it UP to the  secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends, brighten UP a  room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the  kitchen.  We lock UP the house and  fix UP the old car.
 
At other times, this little word has real special  meaning.  People stir UP trouble, line UP  for  tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
 
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special..
 
And this UP is confusing: A drain  must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.
 
We open UP a store in  the morning but we close it UP at  night.  We seem to be pretty mixed  UP about UP!
 
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in  the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it
takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can  add UP to about thirty definitions.
 
If you are UP to it, you might  try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP   a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with (UP to) a  hundred or more.
 
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.   When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP.  When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP.  One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
 
Oh . . .
         one more thing: What is the  first thing
         you do in the morning and the last thing
         you  do at night?
 
 U
 
 P!
 
Did that one crack you UP?
 
Don’t screw UP. Send this on to everyone you   look UP in your address book . . . or not  . . . it’s UP to you.
 
Now I’ll shut UP!

Learning Cell Phone Etiquette

by kajuma

Learning Cell Phone Etiquette :

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart. It’s Eric. I’m on the train”.

“Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”.

“No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss”.

“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart”

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, “Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

Santa’s Helpers

by kajuma

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not very many people know this.

Bitter Sweet

by kajuma

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1.  My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life..

2.  I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3.  Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This  describes everything you are not.

4.  Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

5.  I thought that I could love no other
—  that is, until I met your brother.

6.  Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are  you.
But  the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s
empty, and so is your head.

7.  I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8.  I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9.  My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10.  My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’

11.  What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime..

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

Norwegian Virgin Wedding

by kajuma

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern  Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow…right in his  crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the  ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to  the doctor.

He said: “How bad is it Doc? I’m going on my  honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a Virgin — in  every vay.”
The doctor told him, “Olof, I’ll have to put  your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It  should be okay next week, but leave it
on dere as long as you  can.”

He took 4 tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together…quite an  impressive work of art.
Olof mentioned none of this to Lena , married  her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth.

That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open  her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said:  “Olof…you’re the first vun!
No vun has EVER seen  deez.”

Olof immediately dropped his pants and  replied: “Look at dis Lena …
still in DA  CRATE!”